6.12.13

A Lesson On Boxes & Spiritual Growth

I had a moment of real awakening today and I decided it was well worth sharing.
Regardless of how many read this or take anything away from it, I am writing for not just my readers, but also myself.  It is an incredible thing when you can literally see your own progress in action, and for me at least those moments seem to be few and far between, so I want to acknowledge myself for something I consider an accomplishment during a time that I have been feeling really down.

The story begins in the kitchen, I was putting together an after-yoga smoothie and humming to myself when I realized exactly what it was that I was humming.
Out of the blue, for no sane reason that I could think of, the song "Grace Like Rain" was on repeat in my head, and there I was humming along not paying much attention when all of the sudden it occurred to me - 
Why do you have a Christian song in your head?
Why are you humming along to it?
You can't hum to that song, you're not a Christian, what the hell are you doing?
A bit annoyed with myself I stood there and pondered it over for a second.

I don't like to categorize myself into any "box" when it comes to religion, sexuality, or lifestyle.
I think putting yourself into one box in any of those categories limits so much of your potential for growth and self awakening.
Where religion is concerned, I see all religion as flawed.
I believe in science, facts, and truth.
That doesn't however, mean I don't agree with a lot of the beliefs and teachings of many different religions and I'm constantly exploring bits and pieces of each one and using them to grow as a person.
Do I believe in a god who tells a man to kill his son to prove the man's love and devotion to that said god?
No.
Do I believe in a god that's a man, with similar characteristics to those of human men?
No.
This list could go on for ages...

If I have to summarize my beliefs they would be that I believe there is something much bigger than myself that I am lucky to be a part of.  Something that connects everything in this vast and beautiful universe and beyond.
Something magical? 
Maybe.
After all, magic is just science that hasn't been explained yet, and science is magic that has been given reason.
Does reason and understanding give any less significances to something that was once considered magical?
I don't think so.
The point is, I don't belong to any given "box" and I don't ever plan on it.

So as I stood in the kitchen pondering over this for a moment I realized something that helped me to remove some chains I didn't realize I was wearing.
If I don't want to belong to a "box" then why is it that I am limiting myself by saying:
"you can't listen to, sing, or hum any music that is affiliated with a religion"
Christianity was very much a part of my life and culture during my childhood.  It makes perfect sense that occasionally I will have a fond memory, remember a teaching, remember something that moved me, remember a song...from that time in my life.
By not allowing those emotions, feelings, and memories to come through, or to be upset at myself for allowing them to is ridiculous.  It is limitation by way of not limiting...
which clearly doesn't make much sense at all.

A few minutes had passed by when I finally came to my conclusion.
I can hum to any song I damn well please.
There is no reason to feel upset, ashamed, or annoyed at myself because I happened to have a song affiliated with a religion stuck in my head.
It is a catchy, beautiful song, and it meant a lot to me at one point in my life,
and because of that, tucked away in a small portion of my brain it still is a meaningful song to me...
and I am NOT a limited being only able to do, feel, or believe one specific thing.

I am free.
Free from limitations.
Free from boundaries.
Free from boxes.



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